Kindling the Fire at Home & in the Community

Posts tagged “honoring the dead

Through the Veil

Beloved Dead Skull

“The Goddess is Maiden and Mother and Crone; Her children surround Her; She is never alone.

She lives in the moment, knows no grief or uproar, ‘til Harvest rolls ‘round and brings death to Her door.

Then Her bright colors fade and Her glitter grows dim, For Her son lives no longer; She’s mourning for Him.

He’s fallen upon Her body of Earth- Oh, how can it be deadly, which once gave Him birth?

She buries Him gently, and follows Him down, And She casts off in grief all Her robes, jewels and crown.

There is no need of finery where now She sets foot, Down in the darkness of loam and of root.

Her heart is bound tightly, no peace stills Her mind.

She is cold and bereft; She is angry and blind.

She stumbles and staggers; ever weaker She grows, But then hears a voice She is certain She knows!

“My Mother, My Lady, why have you come here?” ‘Tis the voice of Her lover, Her Son, in Her ear.

“Why have you left me?” She cries out in grief. “Why must I bear you to be my joy’s thief?”

He has come here before but She does not recall, And He touches Her hand, to explain again, all:

“It’s age and fate, Lady. There’s naught I can do, Save promise by rebirth I shall rejoin you. You are ever my Lady, my Mother, my Dear, And I swear that in death there is nothing to fear.”

Now She remembers: the grave’s but a womb And a promise of rebirth brings light to the gloom.

There’s peace and reunion to follow each death, As a moment of stillness will follow each breath.

And the Goddess emerges each time She withdraws, And the Wheel turns to freedom, and rolls without pause.”

Ancestor Altar 2This past weekend we gathered to celebrate Samhain and to honor those who have gone before us in a quiet & reflective way. We initially intended to do so outside, but with the fickle SE Texas weather were relegated to the indoor sanctuary once we realized the wind and rain wasn’t going to let up anytime soon. It was as it should be. The atmosphere was  serene, peaceful and calming.

I went into this ritual with an open mind willing to honor whoever came to me. I thought that I knew who would be most prominent in my mind, but it turns out who I expected isn’t who weighed heaviest on my heart. It was my Grandpa Turkey (Dad’s dad) and I wasn’t expecting him to move me to tears, but grief has a funny way of revealing itself  long after you think you are past it. Maybe having him suddenly taken from my life is what made his return rush over me like it did. Whatever the case, I was happy to revisit memories of him and think about him after so long. I spent many summers and holidays visiting him growing up so once we sat down to try our hand at divination I sat with Rowan’s prayer beads in my lap and let my mind wander through the many thoughts of my childhood spent at his home. Playing billiards. Swimming in the pool and having him chase my cousins and I with the water hose. BBQ’s on the back patio. Early morning wake ups with him reading the paper and handing me the funnies to read. Butter pecan ice cream. Many hours of Legend of Zelda together. Cocktail hour where I’d get my virgin drink with extra cherries. My mind had no shortage of cherished memories.

This was the first time I attempted meditation with prayer beads. At first I was a bit clueless as to how to begin or what to do to use them. This is probably something that a former Catholic would be fantastic at because of experience with rosaries, but I had none of that. So I asked Rowan what she had in mind when she made them. She quickly showed me that they were Maiden-Mother-Crone prayer beads and counted them out with me once to show me how she used them. That’s all it took and I was off.

Counting… 1… 2… 3… fingers sliding over the beads one by one with subtle pauses to reflect, breath and allow the memories and any message to come to me. I gave each message some space and time to really sink in before moving on. Once I was satisfied with the messages I received and was sure it was time to move on  I decided to attempt to use the prayer beads as a pendulum and they worked beautifully. I was a bit surprised at how quickly the responses came to my questions, but thankful. By the time I was set the prayer beads in Rowan’s lap I was feeling quite pleased that I had accidentally forgotten my intended divination tools for ritual. Turns out that the divination tools I needed that night weren’t my own.

My last divination was with a 3 card tarot spread. Samhain Tarot Reading 2013 It told me that my hearts desire was fully acknowledged and would come to fruition when the time was right. Ugh… you mean I have to wait?!? Patience is something I have been working hard at getting better at. Sometimes I can be extremely impatient and get very grouchy when what I want and what I get don’t match. It’s a struggle at times to know that something good is on it’s way, but not know when it’ll arrive. This is also why I am terrible at surprises. I don’t dislike surprises, but I dislike knowing one is on it’s way. So if you plan on surprising me with something don’t tell me “I have a surprise for you!” That’ll drive me crazy! Hopefully the subject matter I was inquiring about prior to this card spread will manifest sooner rather than later… I’m ready universe!

Samhain seems to always bring out emotions in those who could otherwise usually conceal them. If you thought being moved by a spiritual entity was something you’d take in stride, you soon realize you were mistaken. Even though I know what to expect now after so many years of celebrating Samhain in ritual, the profound truth of sharing space with someone who has crossed the veil always brings out emotions in me. It’s a jolt to your system, not only to sense a presence, but to literally feel it. I am never really prepared, no matter how much I think I will be. Reaching through the veil to greet loved ones is taxing both physically and emotionally. This is why I can only handle ancestor work at this level very infrequently. While it is greatly rewarding, it is equally draining. Still, it’s hard to say goodbye when the time comes.

As we crossed back through the veil with a candle to light our way into the dark half of the year we closed the portal behind us. Once we had all reached the other side we watched as each candle was snuffed out one after another… it was as if someone had gone down the line and  blown them out with heaving breath. It was startling, but not scary and we all looked at each other with dazed expressions having shared the experience together. There in the dark we shared soul cakes, listened to the Lyke-Wake Dirge and honored our loved ones and each other with great big hugs and heavy hearts. No matter the time that has passed since the loss of a loved one, when grief is released into the universe in shared ritual space, we all feel it… we all share it… we all carry it a little while. It’s that short distance of carrying the grief for someone else, that gives us each the space to breathe and let go.

May your burden of grief be light through the dark half of the year.

Blessings,

Bridey-signature

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Remembrance

Remembrance 9-11

We pray to the great Spiritual Power in which
we live and move and have our being.
We pray that we may at all times
keep our minds open to new ideas and shun dogma;
that we may grow in our understanding of the nature of all living beings
and our connectedness with the natural world;
that we may become ever more filled with
generosity of spirit and true compassion and love for all life;
that we may strive to heal the hurts that we have inflicted on nature
and control our greed for material things, knowing that
our actions are harming our natural world and the future of our children;
that we may value each and every human being
for who he is, for who she is,
reaching to the spirit that is within,
knowing the power of each individual to change the world.

We pray for social justice,
for the alleviation of the crippling poverty
that condemns millions of people around the world
to lives of misery – hungry, sick, and utterly without hope.
We pray for the children who are starving,
who are condemned to homelessness, slave labor, and prostitution,
and especially for those forced to fight, to kill and torture
even members of their own family.
We pray for the victims of violence and war,
for those wounded in body and for those wounded in mind.
We pray for the multitudes of refugees, forced from their homes to alien places
through war or through the utter destruction of their environment.

We pray for suffering animals everywhere,
for an end to the pain caused by scientific experimentation,
intensive farming, fur farming, shooting, trapping,
training for entertainment, abusive pet owners,
and all other forms of exploitation
such as overloading and overworking pack animals,
bull fighting, badger baiting, dog and cock fighting and so many more.

We pray for an end to cruelty,
whether to humans or other animals,
for an end to bullying, and torture in all its forms.
We pray that we may learn the peace that comes with forgiving
and the strength we gain in loving;
that we may learn to take nothing for granted in this life;
that we may learn to see and understand with our hearts;
that we may learn to rejoice in our being.

We pray for these things with humility;
We pray because of the hope that is within us,
and because of a faith in the ultimate triumph of the human spirit;
We pray because of our love for Creation, and because of our trust in God.
We pray, above all, for peace throughout the world.

Dr. Jane Goodall


I is for Inviting the Dead

When some people hear the word dead” it makes them uneasy, nervous and maybe even a bit frightened. Our society sees death in a way that incites feelings of fear for most and others to envision their idea of the afterlife. While we are fully aware of the inevitability of death, we don’t like to think about, much less discuss what death means to us as individuals. Many cultures honor those who have gone before them, believe in showing respect to their ancestors, have altars for them & even pray to them. Very few actually call upon them and invoke them though. That is where the spiritual communities between Pagans and others diverge because many Pagans call directly upon specific ancestors for help, counsel and comfort without fear, apprehension or nervousness.

So, what does it mean to invite the dead? Inviting the dead is just that… an invitation to join us. Some choose to do this spoken aloud as an invocation. I do speak it aloud, but I don’t invoke my ancestors, I simply ask them to come be with me & invite them. With an invocation, I feel like it is more specific and almost demanding… I believe with my Gods & Goddesses that they don’t mind to be invoked. In fact, I believe they look forward to the times I call upon them specifically for their aid & counsel. With my ancestors though, I feel like they would not like so much to be invoked, so instead I call upon them and ask/invite them to join me.

How would someone go about inviting the dead? This is something that is most often associated with Samhain rites, but many Pagans choose to call upon or honor ancestors at other times. During Samhain, when the veil is thinnest, it’s common for Pagans to use divination tools such as scrying mirrors or crystal balls to gaze through the veil in order to receive messages from their ancestors. In order to create a tangible connection, many Pagans create an altar for their ancestors that consists of photos, small personal items & letters to the deceased to reach out to them. If you celebrate Sabbats with a coven or circle of Pagans, reaching through the veil and connecting with your ancestors becomes a relatively easy task if the energy of the group is raised together from my experience. It’s a really awesome experience to see, hear or feel the presence of someone you love and miss… and even more amazing when you are able to connect with a relative or ancestor you may have never met in life, but share a spiritual connection with in death.

Why would someone want to invite the dead? The same reasons we’d seek them in life… we appreciate their perspective, we trust their judgement, we feel close to them in a way we may not to someone on this side of the veil. The reasons someone would choose to invite the dead are as varied as the practitioners of the craft are. There are some questions you may feel only a mother can answer, but what do you do if your mother has crossed the veil? For those of us who practice magick, we would contact her and invite her to a rite. To have the feeling that despite the physical absence of a loved one you can still communicate with them is a comfort.

Is there a right way to go about inviting the dead? Absolutely. My first recommendation is to bring items of a personal nature to the person/people you intend to try and reach: clothing, photos, trinkets, a letter, etc. Next, create a cleansed & consecrated circle that is protected. Inviting the dead can arouse the interest of other spiritual entities. Then call on them specifically and invite them to join you. Tell them that you have questions, concerns or need their assistance. Lastly, choose your method in which to contact them and communicate.

Some ways that people may contact the dead:

  1. Scrying
  2. Crystal Gazing
  3. Dumb Supper
  4. Ouija Boards (I do not recommend this method, as it can result in unwanted spirits to be contacted. Although I did try this when I was younger with success.)
  5. Psychic medium (If you know and trust someone who has this ability personally, go for it, otherwise, I advise against paying for the services of a psychic medium who you cannot ensure is reputable.)

Whichever method you choose, it is wise to do some research on the method, understand the way to do it, use your own divination tools and ask the advice of experienced practitioners. Like any skill, contacting your ancestors is something you will have to work at. It may take you several tries without any results, but if you are persistent and pursue your efforts with an open mind and heart, chances are that you will eventually make contact. It may not be a lot of pomp & circumstance at all though. It may just be a whisper or the feeling of a cool touch on your hand or maybe it’ll be even less physical and just a sense that you are not alone. It may take you years before you ever actually see anything in the physical realm that we live in, but don’t get discouraged, your loved ones & ancestors may be a little shy to make contact in that way. I have been trying to contact someone for several years now, without success of ever seeing him, but I often feel his presence… and that has been enough for me.

The point in inviting the dead is to reaffirm our feelings of interconectedness,  honor our loved ones and our ancestors who have gone before us and to call upon their wisdom and knowledge. In doing so, they can witness our journey as we walk a path that they would be proud of. If you have not tapped into this spiritual resource, I encourage you to do so. The rewards you will reap will surprise you.

Blessings,


G is for Grief & Funeral Rites

When I think about grief and loss, as a Pagan, I feel that how I deal with it is much different from many of my friends and family who are Christian. Death has never been something frightening or scary to me. I’ve always seen it as the next phase of the cycle of life. I don’t believe in the existence of hell in the Christian sense so I think that maybe that removes much of the fear so many others seem to have surrounding death. That’s not to say that I don’t respect death, I do. However, I believe in celebrating life over mourning death. So when those that I love have passed through the veil, my inclination has been to celebrate the life they lived, play the music they liked, toast them with the alcohol they enjoyed and spend time with those they’ve left behind to reminisce and share our fondest memories of them.

I will admit that I do not like to attend funerals. I tend to prefer to grieve in private or surrounded by only my closest family or friends. While tears are shed, I somehow have found ways to laugh during times of grief. Those moments seem to heal and cleanse my aching heart more than any fancy funeral procession could. I also do not like the idea of being buried in a casket. I’d rather be cremated and returned to the earth. I hope that when I die, someone will plant a tree and bury my ashes with it or scatter them in the Pacific ocean.

I really like having an ancestor altar during Samhain and making it a point to honor those who have gone before us. I think that many Pagans find a lot of peace and closure in rituals done for or surrounding the memory of their loved ones. How we see death and treat it seems to be very unique to our community. We seem less afraid and more comfortable with talking about and dealing with grief than many other spiritual communities. So much that we are willing to commune with them, invite them into ritual space and seek their guidance when dealing with important issues in our lives. I know that after losing my cousin, my circle family was very integral in helping me cope with his loss. The year that he died, I lead Samhain ritual and was able to release a lot of the pain and turmoil surrounding my feelings about losing my vibrant 24-year-old cousin to suicide. Their support and love saw me through to the other side of my grief with peace and solace. Not to mention… a lot of gratitude.

Grief is defined as deep sorrow or mental anguish, esp. that caused by someone’s death. It is a reaction to loss and varies from person to person. Some people are very solemn and quiet about grief and others are very vocal about grief, sobbing and may even collapse to the ground. Grief will also vary with each loss; meaning that your reaction to the loss of one loved one may not be the reaction to the next.

Most people go through a grief process that comes in stages. It takes awhile to work through all of the stages, but they are good to know in the event you are dealing with grief or helping someone else through it.

7 Stages of Grief:

1. SHOCK & DENIAL- You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT- As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING- Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”)

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS- Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN- As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH- As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE- During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

Below are the funerary practices & rites of some of the ancient cultures many Pagans base their modern-day practices off of:

Ancient Celts

In researching ancient funerary customs I discovered that the Celts buried their dead in burial mounds usually with weapons, food and other ornamental items. Most believe that the ancient Celts & Druids burying them with those items was an indication that they believed in reincarnation or an afterlife.

The traditional wake was held in the home of the deceased or at the home of a close relative; this is known as the wake house. A room will be prepared for the deceased, in the past it would have been a parlor but more often these days a bedroom is used.

After death a window is opened to allow the spirit of the deceased to leave the house, no-one must stand or block the path to the window as this may prevent the spirit from leaving and will bring misfortune to the person who blocks the route. After two hours the window should be closed as this will prevent the spirit from re-entering.

The body is washed and dressed; in times gone by they would have been clothed in white. If the deceased was a male he would have been freshly shaved. This is known as being ‘laid out’.Candles are placed at the head and foot of the coffin and remain lit while the deceased is still present in the house. Family members or close friends will stay with the deceased at all times taking it in shifts to watch over the departed. All clocks in the house will be stopped at the time the person died and all mirrors will be covered or turned to face the wall as a mark of respect. Also, traditionally all the curtains will be closed.

In earlier times ‘keening’ would have taken place. This is when the women family members would cry and wail over the deceased. This took place after the body had been laid out, if the women started ‘keening’ before the body was ‘laid-out’ it would invoke evil spirits. ‘Keening’ would have carried on for some time. One wonders if this has some bearing in the legend of the banshee.

Ancient Romans

In ancient Rome, the eldest surviving male of the household, the pater familias, was summoned to the death-bed, where he was supposed to try to catch and inhale the last breath of the decedent.

Funerals of the socially prominent were usually undertaken by professional undertakers called libitinarii. These rites usually included a public procession to the tomb or pyre where the body was to be cremated. The most noteworthy thing about this procession was that the survivors bore masks bearing the images of the family’s deceased ancestors. The right to carry the masks in public was eventually restricted to families prominent enough to have held curule magistracies. Mimes, dancers, and musicians hired by the undertakers, as well as professional female mourners, took part in these processions. Less well-to-do Romans could join benevolent funerary societies (collegia funeraticia) who undertook these rites on their behalf.

Nine days after the disposal of the body, by burial or cremation, a feast was given (cena novendialis) and a libation poured over the grave or the ashes. Since most Romans were cremated, the ashes were typically collected in an urn and placed in a niche in a collective tomb called a columbarium (literally, “dovecote”). During this nine-day period, the house was considered to be tainted, funesta, and was hung with Taxus baccata or Mediterranean Cypress branches to warn passersby. At the end of the period, the house was swept out to symbolically purge it of the taint of death.

Several Roman holidays commemorated a family’s dead ancestors, including the Parentalia, held February 13 through 21, to honor the family’s ancestors; and the Feast of the Lemures, held on May 9, 11, and 13, in which ghosts (larvae) were feared to be active, and the pater familias sought to appease them with offerings of beans.

Ancient Greeks

The ancient Greek funeral since the Homeric era included the próthesē (πρόθεση), the ekphorá (εκφορά), the burial and the perídeipno (περίδειπνο). In most cases, this process is followed faithfully in Greece until today.

Próthesē is the deposition of the body of the deceased on the funereal bed and the threnody of his relatives. Today the body is placed in the casket, that is always open in Greek funerals. This part takes place in the house where the deceased had lived. An important part of the Greek tradition is the epicedium, the mournful songs that are sung by the family of the deceased along with professional mourners (who are extinct in the modern era). The deceased was watched over by his beloved the entire night before the burial, an obligatory ritual in popular thought, which is maintained still.

Ekphorá is the process of transport of the mortal remains of the deceased from his residence to the church, nowadays, and afterward to the place of burial. The procession in the ancient times, according to the law, should have passed silently through the streets of the city. Usually certain favourite objects of the deceased were placed in the coffin in order to “go along with him.” In certain regions, coins to pay Charon, who ferries the dead to the underworld, are also placed inside the casket. A last kiss is given to the beloved dead by the family before the coffin is closed.

Cicero describes the habit of planting flowers around the tomb as an effort to guarantee the repose of the deceased and the purification of the ground, a custom that is maintained until today. After the ceremony, the mourners return to the house of the deceased for the perídeipno, the dinner after the burial.

Two days after the burial, a ceremony called “the thirds” would take place, while eight days after the burial, the relatives and the friends of the deceased assembled at the burial spot, where “the ninths” would take place, a custom that is maintained until today.

Ancient Norse

According to historical sources, a Viking funeral consisted of cremation in a ship. Many funerals took place on land with the deceased being cremated on a pyre, (a structure, usually made of wood), in a boat and piles of stone and soil being lain on top of the burnt remains. Pyre’s were built on a ship, usually shaped like a dragon’s nose.

A funeral for a Viking could, at times, be a considerable, but necessary expense. It was also very common for gifts to be left with the deceased. The amount and the value of the goods were dependent upon the social group to which the deceased belonged and, therefore, it was important for them to be buried in a manner which allowed them to have the same social standing in the afterlife, and to avoid becoming an eternal wandering soul. The manner in which they were buried was also used to provide strength to the grieving family to carry on with their lives. In addition, it is said that sometimes thralls (slaves) were sacrificed upon funeral pyres so that they could serve their master in the next world.

In Viking funerals, there existed an element of fear surrounding death. If a proper burial were not provided for the deceased, the bereaved would be visited by the deceased as a form of revenge. Such a possibility was frightful, as it was interpreted to mean that additional family members would die. It was during the Viking period of starvation, when communities were seemingly struck with series of misfortunes that rumors about the revengeful souls began to flourish. The sagas tell of drastic precautions being undertaken during the Viking funeral ceremony such as a stake being be put through the body of the deceased, or its head cut off, as a way of stopping it from finding its way back to the living.

Modern Pagan Practices

I wanted to talk about some of the modern Pagan practices of honoring the dead. Ways in which you can help yourself or other Pagans through the process of grieving a loved one.

  • The Dumb Supper:

In this case, the word “dumb” refers to being silent. The origins of this tradition have been fairly well debated — some claim it goes back to ancient cultures, others believe it’s a relatively new idea. Regardless, it’s one that’s observed by many people around the world.

When holding a Dumb Supper, there are a few simple guidelines to follow. First of all, make your dining area sacred, either by casting a circle, smudging, or some other method. Turn off phones and televisions, eliminating outside distractions.

Secondly, remember that this is a solemn and silent occasion, not a carnival. It’s a time of silence, as the name reminds us. You may wish to leave younger children out of this ceremony. Ask each adult guest to bring a note to the dinner. The note’s contents will be kept private, and should contain what they wish to say to their deceased friends or relatives.

Set a place at the table for each guest, and reserve the head of the table for the place of the Spirits. Although it’s nice to have a place setting for each individual you wish to honor, sometimes it’s just not feasible. Instead, use a tealight candle at the Spirit setting to represent each of the deceased. Shroud the Spirit chair in black or white cloth.

No one may speak from the time they enter the dining room. As each guest enters the room, they should take a moment to stop at the Spirit chair and offer a silent prayer to the dead. Once everyone is seated, join hands and take a moment to silently bless the meal. The host or hostess, who should be seated directly across from the Spirit chair, serves the meal to guests in order of age, from the oldest to youngest. No one should eat until all guests — including Spirit — are served.

When everyone has finished eating, each guest should get out the note to the dead that they brought. Go to the head of the table where Spirit sits, and find the candle for your deceased loved one. Focus on the note, and then burn it in the candle’s flame (you may wish to have a plate or small cauldron on hand to catch burning bits of paper) and then return to their seat. When everyone has had their turn, join hands once again and offer a silent prayer to the dead.

Everyone leaves the room in silence. Stop at the Spirit chair on your way out the door, and say goodbye one more time.

  • Setting Up an Ancestor Altar:

In many cultures, ancestor worship is an ancient practice. Although traditionally found more in African and Asian societies, more and more Pagans of European heritage are beginning to embrace this idea. After all, we all want to know where we came from. You can build an altar to honor your ancestors, featuring photos, heirlooms, and even a family tree sheet. Leave it up all year-long, or set it out at Samhain. This is a good time to perform a ritual for Honoring the Ancestors.

  • Last Rites:

Whether you officiate at the funeral your family attends or you choose to have a ceremony in honor of the loved one you’ve lost by yourself, with a small group of family/friends or with your circle or coven, honoring your loved one in a meaningful way is something you should participate in. You may choose to call upon your patron God/Goddess for guidance & strength, sing songs or play music you believe your loved one liked, read a poem, spread their ashes, or any number of ritual practices that you feel will help to bring a sense of peace and closure to your loss. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Do what is in your heart.

Hopefully when grief is upon you, you will find strength in your spirituality and those people around you who care most about you. Knowing that I can honor those who have gone before me has always been a great comfort. Even in my greatest despair, I have found peace and respite when I have turned towards ritual as a means to alleviate the burden of a heavy heart.

Blessings,